Where do you find a good hat?

Last week I had my first Western-style tea party.

I am more accustomed to Asian tea houses where everyone comes as they are, huddle around a single teapot either sitting on bare ground or propped on pillows and listen as a tea expert advises on steeping time while proclaiming the medicinal values of various types of tea. The general custom is smell the first cup, toss it, and drink the rest, savoring the way it trickles down your throat and the sweet or bitter aftertaste many of them leave.

The tea party was to be a ladies tea party but due to a series of unexpected events, the party dwindled to an intimate setting for two. So Mother Hen (MH) took me to Lisa's Tea Treasures in Campbell (apparently better than the other locations), and took me down a rabbit hole into another world. A place where pretty china gets used (not stored in a dusty china cabinet), beaded doilies cover the cream, cookies (biscuits?) are dipped in lemon cream, people use knives and forks to cut their delicate sandwiches and quiche, and your table comes with a bell to summon a waitress who wears an apron and one of those small black-and-white hats a maid might wear. Everything felt so delicate. My big bulky camera felt terribly out of place. A black brick of plastic doesn't quite belong in a place abounding with teacups covered in dainty roses. A bit like me. I am reminded of a particular scene in Titanic where Rose (Kate Winslet) is questioning living a lifetime of high class poise and manners and looks about the dining room. Her eyes settle on a woman teaching a young girl how to place her napkin in her lap. I took etiquette classes when I was young but ended up forgoing all silverware and eating all those dainty tea sandwiches with my hands. How do you expect to raise a lady in Texas? My favorite food is ribs and I eat them with my hands the way a Texan should. Gretchen Wilson might be proud.

MH told me how she had fallen in love with tea time during a previous trip to England.

This made me reminisce of my trip to London in elementary school. I was clearly out of place. As we took a boat ride under the London bridge I happily belted out a verse of "London Bridge Is Falling Down" before my mother hushed me, other patrons in a pizza restaurant looked at me for using my hands to eat pizza and I looked at them because who puts asparagus on a pizza?, I giggled anytime someone said "madame" and I thought the people at McDonalds were crazy for charging 6 pence per package of barbeque sauce. Even though Americans don't say things like "madame" in a cool accent, I was reminded how wonderful it is to live in the United States. I never got to experience tea time in England, but it was one thing MH missed about the country.

Her first time to Lisa's was when an older friend had brought her when she was 23.

My first reaction to a place like Lisa's is what do I wear!?! Do I got for 'old British granny' with a modest flowery number or 'Betsey Johnson/Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland' with extra tulle underneath?!? Oh the choices. Then I remembered I have nothing like that in my closet. Actually, I was in SF in the morning and thought tea time had been canceled. Luckily, I made it back with time to stop by IKEA AND wash off the Mission district. MH was kind on me, she showed up in capris and sandals showing her turquoise toenails. What a cool mom.

Her friend had told her to wear a dress and a hat. 

A HAT!?!

Yes, a Hat.

And she scrambled to find one.

Thank goodness I did not have to go through that.

Which brings me to this post. Where do people even find a good hat? Do milliners still exist? Who wears hats besides Lady Gaga? (When she isn't using her hair as a hat.)

You've seen this one right? Las Vegas CES Show 2010.
Source: Becker/Getty

Then I was reminded horse races seem to be synonymous with fancy schmancy hats.

Here are a few of my favorites from the Royal Ascot race.

AP Photo-Alastair Grant

REUTERS-Luke MacGregor

REUTERS-Stefan Wermuth

How does this work?

Do they bring their dresses to the milliner and say make me something that coordinates? Or is it the other way around? Or do they magically have ample hats available to match every palette? It must be pretty awesome to make such cool creations. They do not get scuffed up and dirtied like shoes. They are worn prominently for everyone to see. AND they protect from the sun (at least some). How functional.

I bet this woman is a tea party pro!

REUTERS-Luke MacGregor

Yes, that is Queen Elizabeth herself. With a matching hat. Of course.
If there was a reality tv show about manners and tea parties she would be the Tyra or at least the Tim Gunn. And afterward, the whole world will know the secret to poise, being a lady, and keeping those fancy hats in place. Could you imagine her on a show like Charm School?!?

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