Dream - Finding Cammy

Last night I dreamed it was another typical work day. I was seated at my desk located in the middle of Home Depot. (Surprisingly, this was not the first time I dreamed I worked at a desk in the middle of Home Depot.) As customers briskly walked around me holding broken fixtures and the latest issue of Home and Garden. A tall, brown-haired boy wearing the familiar orange apron carried a pair of worn gloves and walked briskly past me and disappeared behind the "Employees Only" door. I muttered aloud "That's him. That's Brian." as if I was saying it to someone. Suddenly, my coworker dressed in a suit, leaned over from his desk which happened to be next to mine (where did that come from?) and this conversation ensued:
coworker: (surprised) That's him?
me: Yup.
coworker: But he looks so young.
me: Maybe so, but he was awarded employee of the month several times and sources tell me he is very reliable.
coworker: (thinking) Hmmm...
He quickly returned to his desk and disappeared from my line of sight.

I have no idea what we were talking about. Were we secret agents trying to hire an informant? Why was my coworker wearing a suit in Home Depot? Isn't that a bit conspicuous? Sitting at giant wooden desks in the middle of Home Depot seemed a bit conspicuous as well. Was I dressed in a suit as well? Did I look as put together as he did?

Before I could think too hard about these things I realized I needed to go to the bathroom. I packed up my computer, purse and other belongings on my desk and tucked them away in my desk drawers. I wouldn't want store customers browsing my belongings as if they were store merchandise. Glancing back across my empty desk I noticed one thing remained. It did not fit in my drawers and I had not previously noticed its presence. The giant, white polar bear sitting in my chair. I was genuinely surprised to see her. She sat slightly hunched with open arms as if she had been waiting all day for me to notice her. Cammy why did you come to work with me today? Well no matter. I'll just have to take you with me. I hoisted her in my arms and carried her with me. Holding her in my arms I suddenly missed the way her fur tickled my skin, the way her innocent big, round eyes asked me if it was time to play, and her unshakable innocent smile that let you know even if she didn't get her way she still loved you.

I awoke to a tangle of sheets. In my arms I held my patrick the pup. He didn't feel the way she did. He didn't tilt his head and smile when asking me to play. He never argued with me and waddled away to sit in a corner with his arms crossed and lips pouted. He was a good dog. He never actually said anything at all. She was gone. A distant memory. I can't even remember the last time I saw her or got to hold her the way I did in my dream. I probably gave her away during one of my many moves, deciding I needed less clutter and she was an unlucky component of the downsizing. Maybe I was the unlucky one. I lost her and would probably never see her again. And with her loss I realized the magic was gone. What laid in my arms wasn't a friend with whom I shared fond memories, whose personality often clashed with mine but we forgave each other and made up with a hug and a kiss, he was simply pieces of fabric sewn together around a ball of stuffing in the shape of a dog.

Once this realization hits, no item purchased in a store could replace her or come close that sense of companionship. Do people try to replace our old stuffed best friends with other people? Perhaps a human special someone to cuddle with on cold nights, who feels our foreheads when we are sick and reassures us we'll get better soon, who lets us dress them up, the lifetime dance partner and bed-jumping buddy, who listens to us as we reflect on our day and will never leak our secrets, who watches our favorite movies with us over and over again without complaint, who forgives us when we accidentally squash them or play too hard and pull off their head, who will always remain loyal even when their hair starts falling out. Maybe the key is to growing up is to find someone who can do all those things and makes you feel like you want to do the same for them. If you can't, I hear dogs are man's best friend and diamonds are the equivalent for women. Somehow I can't imagine those being quite the same.

(Cammy: When I was little my favorite video game was Street Fighter. There was a period in which my brother and I named all our new stuffed animals after Street Fighter characters. Cammy was a the female fighter from the UK with blonde pigtails and camouflage drawn on her legs. She was a tough one. Each of my animals had a unique personality. My Cammy was a neveraging, giant baby polar bear that liked to waddle around or bounce around on her large behind whose only concern in life was fish. She LOVED fish. You could not talk to her unless you brought her some fish to eat. Not sharing fish with her was the only the that made her angry. Besides that she incredibly loving and very silly.)